This was a hard week.

I had big plans for 2020 as well but now it’s dealing with the emotional toll attached to this week and the weeks since the video of Ahmaud Arbery’s death was released. I had my break down moments. I had my moments of wondering how do I even start to broach this subject with my 5 year old son. So I baked for therapy. I’m not a person to go out there and take action. I ain’t trying to get arrested or anything. I’ll support it financially or some other way, but I’m in a country over 3000 miles away from my family, I’m not trying to put my family through that, even more so, my kids.

I spoke to my husband about moving back home. If you know me, you know that’s a lot. Not indefinitely but to have a mental break from it all. We’ve been fortunate where we live. The racially based encounters I’ve had were just being followed around in a store. Nothing new for us right? Otherwise, nothing. I always hold this fear when my husband is driving alone, most of the time, I’m on edge when he calls me while he’s out. Especially after events like last weekend… I sit on edge when he leaves. Luckily right now, we’re all home.

But my silence on these topics is not because I turn a blind eye to them. I have the conversations, I see the posts. I may like a post. But to put words down to say something, I become overwhelmed. The level of anxiety I begin to feel, the emotions that just come flowing, because my husband could be George Floyd tomorrow. The anxiety I have when I watch my very social son and let him know that we can’t just walk up to people and be friendly because not everyone is like that or has the same intentions as you.

I decided to do a post because something on Instagram or Twitter encourages conversations that I’m not mentally ready to be dragged into because someone wants to play Devil’s advocate without acknowledging the mental toll I’m already dealing with. Sometimes sharing your thoughts is all you want to do.

I’m not African American, but I’m black, and to some extent, where we live, that’s been a tiny blessing for me. When my accent is heard, I get a different response. When I go to a store, I’m always cautious of how I hold my phone or put it in my bag because you never know who is watching you and just waiting to accuse you of something. This is not a way to live just because of the color of my skin. Don’t even begin to talk about how pets have more sympathy and are more important that the lives of POC. That outrage for Amy Cooper was more for her dog than a whole human that she almost had killed by police… because that’s where we have to go now when a black person and police are mentioned together.

This is not an easy topic. I have friends (non- POC) I can talk to about it openly and others that not a word is said, yet, I have no doubt that if anything ever happened to us, they’d be there for us in a heartbeat. Sometimes, I don’t even know how to take that. I feel like I’m rambling at this point, and that’s just where I’ve been most of this week. So here are a few articles that sum up my feelings this week:

With my scanning, I learned about the ACLU app to record Police Conduct. It can’t hurt to keep it on your phone.

Final thoughts…

Stay safe x

SAHM Quarantine

I won’t lie.. this shit has been hard. Even though I’m a stay at home mom, my kids are in school 9-3 3 days of the week and 2 days are extended for extra curricular activities, so I had time on my hands.

When the first death in the US was announced, we basically began our “quarantine” from then. It was at the hospital 5 minutes from our house. From then until last weekend, I’ve only attended appointments and began slowly gathering things in the house since we were cooking more than usual and expected the quarantine to be somewhat imminent. But there was a lot I wasn’t prepared for. Namely, feeding 4 people 3 times a day. I already had subscriptions set up on Amazon’s Subscribe & Save, so cleaning products weren’t exactly lacking around here, but food was enough to last 5 days. We would normally eat out/order in 3-4 meals of 6 on the weekend, again, not cooking this often. So if you had to ask me again how I’d prepare for being home for 2 weeks, I’d say buy 4x what you normally buy and don’t expect to have the healthiest diet either. You can’t stock up on fruit. Vegetables you can freeze and cook as needed but we are a family that is heavy on fruit consumption more than vegetables. We do salads more than broccoli, squash etc. so again, nothing you can put in the freezer. But I’m having to go more veggie and purchase stuff we can freeze and cook.

Lots of baking going on as well…

Then there’s keeping a 2.5 and 5 (in a few days) year old occupied all damn day. NO NAPS. Why no naps? Because our soon to be 5 yr old doesn’t go to sleep until 11pm if he sleeps for barely 20mins a day, and our 2.5 yr old makes me take an hour to get her to sleep and then she too will stay up very late. I’m sorry I had to deal with y’all the whole damn day. I’ll put up with tired tantrums to ensure I get an hour or two to myself at the end of the day. There’s been a COVID19 Schedule floating around and I thought “oh that seems like a great idea!” but then realistically, it didn’t apply to me due to my kids’ ages. So I made up my own yesterday finally and had to make one tweak to it today after today’s test run (which went well surprisingly):

  • Breakfast
  • Morning Work
  • Reading time
  • Lunch
  • Outdoor time//Afternoon Walk
  • TV//iPad time
  • Dinner
  • Bathtime

This is exactly how it looks. No times are allotted on purpose. We get out of bed when everyone is up and we’re ready we’ve been asked 20 times for milk. Then there are 2 different breakfast requests going on so no one ever has the same thing unless it’s pancakes/scones, anything other than those two is personal preference and changes at least 3 times. I want them to eat so we have to narrow it down. Then I ordered a few books on Amazon and visited Michael’s just before the quarantine and I ordered more craft supplies on Amazon to keep them busy for the morning work period. This consists of the 5yr old practicing his writing/math skills, and the 2.5yr old drawing and going over the alphabet. Once his work is completed, we have craft time. I’ve made it so that this time is TV/iPad free. We usually have it on in the background but now it’s off until afternoon. On Monday or Tuesday (I’ve lost track of the days honestly) we made play doh and that kept them occupied for sooo long. Like 30mins minimum. If you have toddlers aged kids you know that’s long for them to sit quietly working on something. It was nice.

Button picture activity for 2.5yr old

That time actually passes quickly because I’m always caught off guard that lunch is in half an hour or so, and I start to scramble trying to figure out what the hell to feed everyone. I’m NOT used to this. I usually have to fend for myself not 4 people, and two extremely specific ones at that. I’ve always got dinner covered but lunch for them has always been a tough one. They don’t really do leftovers for lunch and they don’t eat sandwiches. Leftovers are fine for dinner, but lunch is always a killer. I went as far as buying a guide for feeding kids to give myself ideas and options to try to keep them satisfied.

Sorted the pom poms to take out his favorite colors and then we used them for a counting activity. Also, takeout containers make great impromptu storage options for crafts.

The reading time was inserted today because it was a given before but I realized my 5yr old would give me less stress about doing it on his own before lunch than after with the itis. Since my husband is working from home, and because it’s been sunny but cold, I put outdoor time after lunch so it would still be in his lunch time and it wouldn’t be as cold as if we went out at 5pm. After that, I’m clocking out. I purchased Osmo for the kids to give them something educational on the iPads, and that is going to be used after outdoor time. 5yr old was very interested and worked on it for half hour today, 2.5yr old was tired and liked the idea of it but wasn’t interested in working on it properly and wanted to just play with the sticks for the ABC game. I have decided this is a work for her in the morning when she’s more eager to learn than afternoon and more tired. (See how I’m switching things up for their moods? I hope she does better tomorrow though). I take a breather in the afternoon and then pry myself up to start dinner.

Camp Castle printable – 4 pages put together

Now, I made a list for my most recent food delivery order to basically double and give myself easier options for lunch and dinner. In that aspect I feel a little more prepared.

A few resources:

  • I downloaded some drawings and this Point Chart which helped my 5yr old stay on track a little more today from Rachel Parcell. The points chart gives my son (5yr old) a sense of accomplishment when he does things and keeps him in check when he’s not keen on doing activities, like reading after lunch. My daughter (2.5yr old) pooped on the toilet 2x today after reading to her that she had to poop on the toilet on her chart today. HUGE PROGRESS! As usual, pooping in the toilet has been the hardest part of potty training but today was a great success.
  • Camp Castle playmats are great for bringing out your kids imagination, as a subscriber you can also receive printables during this quarantine time.
  • Here is an idea list on Amazon that I created with everything I’ve bought. I do expect this quarantine to last longer than the 2 weeks put forth because people aren’t taking it seriously. Also my kids LOVE crafting and I’m all for building imagination through sensory play.  Disclaimer: my daughter loves all things girly and pink and princessy and fairy… It makes me happy but it kills me how much pink she’s obsessed with. I didn’t even have her in lots of pink as a baby!
  • Also follow @robinpsychology on Instagram for more ideas and good accounts to follow during this time.

It took a quarantine to get me to post again, but you know I post when I have something I think will be really useful to others. Hope this helps a mom or two!


I know it’s been a while, but kids! I didn’t think a Facebook post was appropriate for this as I really wanted to keep this around as a reminder for anyone who reads it and for myself. I’m not looking for a discussion on what you think is right or wrong, that’s for you to keep on your internet space.

I’m one of those kooky people who believes in timing and the universe and God’s timing etc. so when I had the experience I had last Friday at the nail salon, I wondered if I was to experience something during this special month and also as a reminder of what my kids mean to me and the kind of people I hope they’d be or have surrounding them.

What happened? A bit. But I’ll share the relevant story. As I was sitting getting my dip done, 3 teenagers walked in – 2 girls, 1 boy. I wasn’t trying to listen but I heard “full set” as they were listing what they wanted done. The boy says “my mom said to get something natural”. I was like ok. Probably just having a little fun. Then he and his friend sit next to me. He keeps fidgeting and he’s nervous and they’re all talking calmly and the nail tech starts to work on him and he’s getting a full set done. That’s when I’m like “OH! Ok!” in my head. As she applies the nails he stops her to ask his friends how long should he have them. And they just say “oh, no, let her put them on and then she’ll cut them to something you’re comfortable with.” He relaxes a little. They converse some more. But I’m just sitting there with a smile on my face.

I finish before they do, and my heart tugs me to tell them my thoughts… “I just want to tell you that you have a beautiful friendship here and I’m really happy to see you be so supportive of your friend. It makes me really happy.” And I leave.

It’s PRIDE month. After reading all of the stories about people who do not have family or friends who do not speak to them, love them or have abandoned them, that encounter was a much needed reminder of the beautiful *young* people out there.

I couldn’t help but think that if that was my son, I’d hope he had friends like that surrounding him. I’ve said to my husband many times, I will ALWAYS support my children no matter what. There will always be some tough love moments in there but I want them to know that they can come to me for anything. They will know they have parents that love them and support them, because I would never forgive myself if my child stopped talking to me or even worse, committed suicide because their parents didn’t accept them for who they are.

I know this is a touchy subject for many and it’s why I kept wondering whether or not I should post it. I’m sharing because I still get emotional when I think of those kids. When I think of my kids possibly being in that situation.

No matter what, we need to raise good humans, that treat others the way they want to be treated. Many of us are in that season of having kids or kids getting older and soon out the door. We should be proud of who we’re sending out there.

I’d love to get back into writing but my season currently calls for tending to two very busy little people. I’ll try my best!