Friday nights used to be dinner date night at our favorite bar, with our favorite bartender, food and people watching. It’s been a little over two years since we did it but Friday night I realized why I don’t really miss it.
I’d snuck into my son’s room, he should’ve been sleeping, because I heard him babbling away just before I put his laundry in the washing machine. Daddy does the night time routine so I normally get a hug and kiss goodnight downstairs. He immediately shot up and stretched out his arms for a “pick me up mommy” moment. I obliged and stood over his crib holding him and swaying. His arms flopped and my heart melted thinking he just wanted that cuddle to fall asleep.
I tried to put him down but I was deceived. So I sat on the floor with him and of course he tried to dart for a book for me to read. I said “no, no, sleep time” and he happily laid there on top of me, as I rested on our poof with my knees up in the air to avoid his full body weight on my growing bump. We just sat there. I held his little hand and he rested his other hand on my other hand holding him in place. As his hands started to relax, I thought ok, he’s asleep, and I moved a little. As quickly as I moved my hand, his little hand grabbed it back and searched for the other. I almost cried. The longer he stayed there, the more I felt his little sister basically kick “get him off!”. But I just raised my knees a little higher because little does she know that soon she will take up a lot of my time and he will no longer be my baby. He will be 2 in less than 2 weeks and his independent nature is proving that he’s moving further away from baby status.
So keep your Friday night drinks and laughs (for now). I’ve been given the blessing to cuddle and love a little human (soon to be 2!), that sees me as his world and he is definitely mine.
I know I said I’ll update you and here I am. FINALLY! About 6 weeks after my last post, I experienced an ectopic pregnancy that kept me in the hospital Labor Day weekend. I was released Sunday night, after having one of my tubes removed late Saturday night. Small surgery so it was ok! Then we had to wait for my natural cycle to start to be able to do IVF treatment again. This time around, I managed to produce more eggs than I did with my first round and that meant that I couldn’t do a fresh transfer which I was really upset about. It worked out for us because we did PGS testing to make sure that whatever embryos we had left we viable and we weren’t setting up ourselves for another guessing game like what we played in 2016.
So here we are. I’m 15 weeks pregnant **YAY!!!!!** With my baby girl! I swear last year was meant to break me but somehow I always found the strength to give it one more try or just hold on a little longer. My husband and my son played a huge roll in keeping me grounded because without them, for sure I would’ve had even less strength.
So my second pregnancy… So far, it’s way better than how the first went. Besides not being able to be sick whenever I felt sick, as I am still a stay at home mom, it was nice that my husband didn’t have to take as many days or mornings off to be with me. I was also able to take two trips, which I never could have done in my first trimester with my son. I’m glad it’s been easier than my first because I have a little person to tend to now.
While I’m preparing to have another little human in the house, there’s one topic plaguing my mind – breastfeeding. I’d made it up in my mind that this baby would be on formula as well, but I was hopeful that I would be able to since we had a little break between the cycle and transfer but I doubt that it’s going to happen. And I look at my son and see how healthy and chubby and amazing he is and I’m reassured (while that nagging feeling lingers) that it’s going to be ok. I always wanted to breastfeed, and I know how much of a challenge it can be, but after reading this article, I was reminded again that being a mother/parent is just about doing what you know is best for your child. The nurses at my hospital had me trying everything to get my milk to come in since I was interested, but he was also supplemented with formula. After a while, I didn’t like how the pumping and formula feeding mix was going and I realized my kid was happy with a full tummy (formula) and we were more relaxed and able to enjoy our baby. And I will do the same for this baby… I will make an attempt and if it doesn’t work out, that is ok. But I won’t give up without trying.
While #2 is baking, I’m preparing to celebrate #1’s second birthday! I can’t believe I’ll have a two year old! He’s still my baby, even though he’s been a daddy’s boy for the last couple of months. It’s been killing me that he doesn’t want me for certain things anymore but at the same time I had him to myself for a long time and I know he’ll be back soon lol. I just turned 30 in February and it’s hit me hard that during this year, I’ll become a mom of two and he’ll be starting pre-school and life is just changing at a pace that I’m not mentally ready for. But that’s life for ya! There’s never a right time, things just have to happen whether or not you’re ready. You’ll learn along the way and figure it out.
Until next time!
It’s 8.15p and I’m sitting at my messy kitchen island with barely enough space for my elbows, eating a chocolate digestive biscuit. I’ve eaten 2 already, but I take out one and cover the container each time because “I’m only having one”. I want to bake but it’s too late. So these will do.
My toddler is behind me in his corner of the living room banging on his drum with a stick. He’s supposed to be sick. Puked today. Snotty and coughing too but getting better.
My husband bathes him at night. It’s the one baby duty that helps me out. I’m home with him all. day. long. Sometimes he asks if I want to bathe him… I hardly respond and use silence and an answer.
I ask for help. Shit, Superwoman needs help sometimes!! And you know who isn’t afraid to ask anymore??? ME! In less than a month, we’ll celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary. I can’t believe it honestly. I never used to ask for help but having a kid has definitely changed that. And my standards. You can’t ask someone to do something your way all the time when they’re helping you. 7 years though?! And there’s never a dull moment!
The other day, I went ape shit because he farted, and the fan blew it in my face. But I was tired. I’d marched up to our room after telling him off and I knew I overreacted but as I said, I was just tired. From the day too, but I was just tired of smelling them all week and the fact that he’d done it 2x before and ignored my annoyance since the fan kept blowing them to me. I knew he was trying *really* hard not to laugh. I know him and I knew he could tell I was annoyed so he didn’t laugh – in my face. The next day we laughed about it because, honestly, I was trying not to laugh myself. I apologized for freaking out but I was just tired of him not acknowledging the fan blowing it in my face. Why can’t we be serious sometimes?
I wanted to have a glass of wine tonight but I would probably hit my head on the counter from passing out. 2 sips of wine get me really sleepy now, but I like the idea of having it to relax from the day. Just not when I still have to clean the kitchen from dinner…
For once I don’t know what to get him for our anniversary. I have to go think of this now. While I wash up from dinner and he bathes munchkin. Tomorrow we do it all again. Btw, I only had 4 biscuits. Yay me!