Friday nights used to be dinner date night at our favorite bar, with our favorite bartender, food and people watching. It’s been a little over two years since we did it but Friday night I realized why I don’t really miss it.
I’d snuck into my son’s room, he should’ve been sleeping, because I heard him babbling away just before I put his laundry in the washing machine. Daddy does the night time routine so I normally get a hug and kiss goodnight downstairs. He immediately shot up and stretched out his arms for a “pick me up mommy” moment. I obliged and stood over his crib holding him and swaying. His arms flopped and my heart melted thinking he just wanted that cuddle to fall asleep.
I tried to put him down but I was deceived. So I sat on the floor with him and of course he tried to dart for a book for me to read. I said “no, no, sleep time” and he happily laid there on top of me, as I rested on our poof with my knees up in the air to avoid his full body weight on my growing bump. We just sat there. I held his little hand and he rested his other hand on my other hand holding him in place. As his hands started to relax, I thought ok, he’s asleep, and I moved a little. As quickly as I moved my hand, his little hand grabbed it back and searched for the other. I almost cried. The longer he stayed there, the more I felt his little sister basically kick “get him off!”. But I just raised my knees a little higher because little does she know that soon she will take up a lot of my time and he will no longer be my baby. He will be 2 in less than 2 weeks and his independent nature is proving that he’s moving further away from baby status.
So keep your Friday night drinks and laughs (for now). I’ve been given the blessing to cuddle and love a little human (soon to be 2!), that sees me as his world and he is definitely mine.
We moved Kai to his room around 7 months. It would’ve been sooner but my husband was traveling for work for a few days and I didn’t want to deal with the transition alone so we waited until after. I told my husband it was his job as I couldn’t deal with the crying etc. On the first night I barged into the room, took Kai up and rocked him to sleep. Up until February, the rocking to sleep continued every night unless my husband was the one that put him down for the night. We shifted to sitting on the floor but still nestled in mummy’s arms to go to sleep.
Over the months he’s gotten bigger and heavier. The cradling positions have gotten awkward but it’s what he loves to do to go to sleep. I’ve always called him a “cuddler” because he really loves a cuddle to go to sleep.
The great debate comes when there are some nights when he doesn’t want to go to sleep and takes forever. This usually happens when I have things I want to get done before I go to bed. So there is frustration on my part and excitement on his. On those nights I wished we’d sleep trained him and I could put him down and walk out the room… but only on those nights.
Other nights, he hugs me to sleep. There’s nothing that melts my heart more than when he wraps his little chunky wrist around my neck as if to say “I love you mummy, don’t put me down please” or “I hope this makes up for the day I gave you”. The latter would be nice if he hugged me to sleep on days when he was a handful! My battle comes when I think, he won’t want to do this in the near future, so should I cherish it and enjoy it? Or am I creating a lasting habit of not being able to fall asleep at night on his own?
I’m trying not to read into it too much but I can’t help but think of what it could mean or what’s the next step instead of just living in the moment…
It’s something we struggle with as women because we’re supposed to be real life superheroes when juggling everything life throws at us. I struggled with it and recently a friend asked another mom and myself how we get everything done because she just feels like there isn’t enough time to get it all done. The consensus – we asked our husbands for help. We’re not asking them to take over everything but just to help with one thing that would ease us. For me, I told my husband cooking dinner and feeding Kai and getting him ready for bed in the evening was just too much, and he took over bath time.
We CANNOT do it alone.
Something is heavily sacrificed when we do. Even if it is just for a short time until our babies become more independent and self sufficient, we sacrifice something to make sure that they are cared for. Even for some who have to do it alone, they find a balance, but there is also some kind of sacrifice being made. There’s only one way to see it – if we are stretched thin, we can’t care for those who are extremely dependent on us.
I’ve been giving my all caring for those in my home that I was slowly losing my sense of self. The girl who would do masks at night, and paint her nails every now and then is just too tired and exhausted that she can’t even do those small bits of pampering, and is dying to post to her blog but just can’t manage to finish everything in time that she could write a quick blog post is gone… and she’s too tired.
I’m slowly getting back on my feet. I have a new home to organize and decorate and that will take time but I’m also trying to enjoy the little blessing I have as he’s just growing too quickly.
That’s the other thing… if we’re doing to much, we forget to enjoy and embrace the simple things and life just passes by and before we know it, we missed out on a lot that we were there for but not present mentally. So…