I can’t put my finger on it but there is something that is taking over me. I feel peace within myself, like everything is going to be OK. I usually stress about small things, and things I cannot control but still attempt to control. Can it be something that happens with age? Or is this the calm before the storm? I’ve had a few hiccups this year but even though I know there are some things I can’t control, I feel like they’ve been lifted from me and whatever happens was meant to happen. I can fight for love, family, (some) friends, but at the end of the day, not everything is worth the fight and you have to give up control and let things happen as they were supposed to.
Besides prayer and church, music (Adele & Livvi Franc) is the one thing that I find soothes my core. It can either make me very emotional or lift my spirits to where they should be giving me this positive force to move forward with. It’s still in my nature to think of the future and how what I do today will affect it. Not just relationships and financial decisions but little crap like if I tidy up a room too early I give myself the chance to make it untidy again before someone comes to visit and have to clean it all over again (see what I mean? crap!).
Unfortunately, over the years, this stressing over crap has lead to tension headaches, tension in my shoulders (probably leading to the headaches) and this tendency to always look serious. Apparently from small I always had the pensive look but as I got older and with the age of Botox, I’m reminding myself that the less pensive I am the less I qualify for this treatment. I don’t know why I tend to “overthink” things (and in the process end up with some warped conclusion). I’ve moved from wondering about stuff to wondering why I’m thinking about this stuff and why I’m giving myself a furrowed brow over it. See?! I was just very tensed thinking about that sentence and writing it.
Look away and come back to reality… WOOSAH!
Deep breaths. Is it necessary? Is it really going to affect my life as much as I think it will or is it something I’m trying to control that I have no control over? Why? Why am I going on about it? Amazing how much taking a deep breath and calming yourself can help a relationship as well. Ever realized how much nothing is resolved when two people are shouting at each other? Inner peace → calm mind, calm heart → rational thinking → less stress! You can’t the other person’s actions but you can control yours. Once you have control over yourself, you can react responsibly. This also means self control. If you know you get angry quick, it means you have to train yourself. I had to do this (still working on it in some aspects) because I had to think if it’s worth getting a migraine over or not.
In the end, you are responsible for your actions. It’s like eating 2 scoops of ice cream everyday and wondering where the weight came from. All of our actions have answers. I can only find inner peace if I accept I CANNOT control everything- that sometimes I need to be in the backseat and not the driver of every car I get into. No one said it was easy, but you have to be willing to find it within yourself to let it happen. Reflect on your life, where it’s going, what you want it to be and know that the only person stopping you is yourself. Obstacles may arise but you are the one who decides if they’ll stop you or how you will get around it. If you have wrongs to right, do it sooner rather than later.
*On another note*
I’ve been listening to these two songs for the last two hours (my neighbours probably want me to shut up).. Enjoy 🙂